It’s not every day you get to relive something while still feeling the connection to the thoughts and moments that you had before in the initial experience and somehow expand upon them. One such moment was had this evening when I sat and watched A River Runs Through It again for the first time since I was a child.
It was one of those movies that my parents watched – they being super-religious-type people that raised me up being aware of every single curse word spoken in a movie – while my brother and I sat uncomfortably through as we tried to make sense of something we, or I alone, couldn’t quite relate to or begin to understand at such an age.
Now that I’m an adult and have contemplated the idea of mortality lately for the passing of more and more people who have been mainstays in my life… well it kind of struck a nerve. Of course the strummed cord was one of many in this sad song I’ve grooved to lately, but it doesn’t change the fact that for a movie with material this good and a message that hits so close to home, I don’t know if I even want to read the book.
It very well could be the ramifications of staying up late since I finished the movie at 2 A.M. And it very well could be that the Hot Toddy I made myself had a more adverse effect on me. Whiskey does affect me in weird ways.
I’ve debated lately the life of this blog too. It started out as a place where I could put all my non-personal, generic ideas and stuff while hoping that some voice would be found and an audience could be had but I don’t know if any of that has happened. It was mostly supposed to be reviews about local, Dallas-type things that I’ve witnessed or been a part of, but that idea seemed very limited because my heart just isn’t in “big D” at all.
Since it looks like my ties to “Clean Dallas” are cut I really don’t have to focus on something local since it doesn’t interest me. Heck I’m not really into the comics engine anymore because the industry, as talented as the people who put the books out there are, has no soul anymore.
I’ll watch the animated movies (the live action crap is just that!), I’ll even buy the trades if I’m that interested but I won’t be sucked into the fantastical soap operas that tirelessly run on and on, piling more layers upon foundations that are way beyond capacity and have been unstable for the past 30 years.
People die, life evolves. We won’t be around to see where it ultimately goes but is that so bad? Just move on and give the tired beast a rest.
Maybe I’ll move to Montana some day or just visit there and try my hand at fly fishing. Nature is peaceful and enjoyable and maybe it will get me away from these things and people who I’ve let bring me down, assisting in this personal stagnation.
And so I realize that there are things you just can’t change. Maybe it’s how you approach the problem that makes it this or maybe it’s because you’re the only one that sees a problem there at all. And here I would reiterate the question above. What I do know is that life is too short to bother with stupidity and tolerate the intolerable but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it for the unique and oftentimes fresh perspective it allows for you to perceive the world around you in a different light.
But as an adult it’s nice to think that I have all the answers and that the decisions I make are the right ones because when it comes to trial and error I’ve been there, done that and have the scars to prove it and am beyond that sort of elementary, basic means of functioning. But that would mean I’m perfect and I know also that’s just not possible.
No one is. So just let it be.